This is my mantra in life. Be Still and Know. I have yet to tattoo this on my body somewhere but maybe I’ll go all in soon.
Stillness used to be my enemy. If I slowed down, no if I laid down, as in laid down to take a nap, I thought of myself as lazy. I would try to lay down and do nothing only to fear someone would be at my door or my husband would come home to find me “being lazy”. Being highly productive and efficient is my thing. My addiction so to speak.
What needs to be done? What goals need to be met? I can do them. I will achieve them and even more on top of those goals.
If I don’t reach them, I will totally cover it up to make it look like I reached them. More on this later.
I started scheduling stillness as a wellness practice. Which meant no work on Sunday (still hard for me and I’m probably reading a self help book or listing out ideas and visions I have for my life) and little time slots where I do nothing, or maybe read a Hallmarky fiction book where some woman moves to the country to “find herself and fall in love”.
After having my son, going to therapy, I finally noticed my addiction to “doing” vs. “being”. I had become a human doing. I found myself getting annoyed my 9 month old son wouldn’t go right to sleep because damn it I had shit to do! I tried carving out pockets of time to plan things that needed done. I got anxiety. Every minute I lost of productivity was pushing me away from the goal I planned.
What if I didn’t reach the goals for the day? Which were usually like.. 1000 mini goals.
This works for most, trust me. If you struggle “finding time” do this! My best friend introduced me to it and trust me, it works.
I never thought “I don’t have time for this.” I was more of a “Get out of my way I’ll make the time!” holding a gallon of coffee in one hand and my Iphone in the other.
This part of me was super motivating and inspiring to others. I was terrified other people would view me as lazy. I struggled rocking my son for extended periods of time! Granted, sleep training was the absolute best thing for our family. We are all much happier now and he does go to sleep easily 90% of the time. If you’re considering it, then do it.
The point is, I blame no one but myself. I take full responsibility for this lie- I am what I do. I lived by this for SO LONG. I encourage it for women who need to actually DO something.
I watched countless women set health and fitness goals over the years and struggle. Purchasing program after program, diets and supplements, like that was the answer. They just needed “a plan” a “thing”. If they could just find more resources or the right resources to make sure they stay on track. This time it would be different. I realized during these coaching sessions, there was a major disconnect. They weren’t actually DOING what they needed to do.
I couldn’t fully understand this until now. Once I realized I am not a human doing, I am a human being. Everyone is a human being. There are struggles when it comes to actually DOING things. There is something “in between” the goal and the actions, be that emotion or perfection or self doubt or expectations or distractions.
And most of us need a little bit of human DOING to become the human BEING we want to become.
It sounds absurd right? But your weaknesses become your strengths.
My weakness of believing I am a human doing, is a weakness for me and a strength for others. Where you are weak, you are strong.
This makes sense to me now. I get it. All of it. On a totally different level of consciousness.
So while I don’t have this “step between” I just DO… I have to take time out to BE. Maybe you need to DO what you need (and probably don’t want) to do to reach your goals. It doesn’t mean you ignore your humanity of emotion, perfection, self doubt, or distractions like I did.
It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It means you are human. In fact, I’d say I’m envious of your ability to tap into these human qualities.
I’m certain you want a few tangibles or takeaways from this post. So here we go.
- Self awareness is key! Become aware of the “in between” so you can catch it in the act. These are thoughts in your head, not reality. This is called self awareness or living consciously or being present. Call it what you want, it’s realizing the thoughts you have between the goal and the action and disrupting it. Maybe you need a new cue or trigger, maybe you need to write down your feelings, maybe you need therapy. Whatever you need, do it, get it, work on it. And stop judging yourself for being human. Let’s work on realizing what the ” in between’s” are and disrupting them so behavior change can happen.
- You have the time. You create it for yourself. Take it from me, addicted to performance and productivity, you have the time. I will never forget a message on FB a few months back. A woman thanking me for this response to her question ” How do you find the time to workout and eat healthy?” My response: No one has the time. You create the time. You just do it. (insert my no “in between” here… just trying not to run over people in the process)
- You will “run over” people. Me I can PLOW over people. You, not so much. Trust me. Unless your personality is an Enneagram 3. Saying NO to the Friday night drinks and endless queso at the Mexican restaurant is not plowing, it’s owning it. Owning your goals and the person you are becoming. I PLOW and say no to anything and everything that doesn’t line up with my goals. Hence the days of Tupperware containers full of cold chicken breast and asparagus food AT the Mexican restaurant. #thatusedtobeme
If you have time for drinks and queso every Friday night, you have time to do what you need to do.
Disclaimer: This post was never intended to compare myself to yourself. It’s to show how different personalities and the realization of them can help you. You are unique. Your personality, habits, and how you do things matters. We all have unique strengths that are made to help others.
It means you already have the power, the time, the ability to do this. I really believe that. 1 million percent.
Sometimes you just need to hear you’re awesome.
And then…you just need to.. do it. 🙂
As for me, I’m now done with my 1000s of mini goals and I’m going to take a 20m power nap (yes.. I actually have a goal for a nap).